Mahou Tenshi Bottomless Pit
by GentlemanBones
Summary: It's a parody of the magical girl genre. That's about all I have to say on this.


_Sorry to keep you waiting! My name is Pit. I'm just your average student at Skyworld University. I get okay grades, have a few close friends, and I'm really good at balancing pencils on my upper lip now! But even though I'm also really handsome and brave, there's still more to learn about me! When Skyworld is in danger from the forces of evil...I transform into the powerful warrior known as Mahou Tenshi Bottomless Pit!_

_...The 'bottomless' part refers to my courage and strength, not my stomach. No matter what anybody says!_

_Recently, the school came under attack by a strange woman named Pandora! Of course, I didn't have any trouble fighting her - I just let her bruise me up a little to keep from hurting her feelings. But just before I put on the finishing blow, something really strange happened! A kid that looks just like me?_

_Except he's all black, and has a bad attitude. How cliche can you get?_

_Anyway, stay tuned, because the show is about to-_

"Hey! Quit all that inner-monologuing and stay focused! We're still fighting!" Dark Pit growled, drawing on the light-thin string on his bow. An arrow of luminous shadow appeared against it, physically impossible tension making it tremble as it waited to be released.

"...Huh? How did you know I was having an inner monologue?" Pit's blade spun in his palm, coming up into a horizontal defensive stance, legs shifting to help him stand his ground. _This kid is good!_

"You were staring past me and mouthing a lot. And when you do it, your voice takes on this really obnoxious echo, so try to think out loud from now on." Dark Pit smirked, lifting the bow to aim the arrow square between Pit's eyes. "And you're right. I am good."

"Ohohoho!" Pandora folded one of her legs over the other as she floated mid-air, hand tucked behind her mouth as she enjoyed her little laugh. Pit inwardly complained about how cliche these bad guys were. Dark Pit inwardly chided him for monologuing again. "Well, it looks like you've got the situation well in hand, Dark Pit! I'll take my leave now, and report this back to Lady Medusa post-haste! Join us whenever you're read-"

In an instant, the arrow flashed, carving its way through the air before connecting with its target - pinning Medusa to a massive white oak. "Like I'd let you. Maybe you helped bring me to life, but your laughter is just as annoying as his monologuing. Why was I brought into such a silly series?"

Pit's mouth was agape while his brain tried to put the scene together. "Geez...if you think it's been bad so far...you haven't even seen my transformation sequence yet! FILTH OF THE LAND, HEAR MY WORDS, AND SEE MY ACTIONS!"

"Do what-AUGH." Things got particularly sparkly for a moment, and there was a lot of naked swiveling and generally the kind of thing Dark Pit was just not hoping to see that morning. But at last the nightmare was past, and Pit's well-pressed school uniform - he was such a suck-up - was replaced by a blindingly clean set of robes.

"Mahou Tenshi! Bottomless Pit! Prepare to see the light!" He posed what he hoped was dramatically and coolly, but it just ticked Dark Pit off even more.

"So, what, does the Bottomless part refer to the fact you're not wearing pants anymore?" Dark Pit scowled and drew another arrow, deciding to aim for Pit's bare legs.

"I'm totally stil wearing pants!" Pit protested, lifting the bottom of his robe. Dark Pit winced and moved to hide behind his forearm, but Pit was indeed still covered. "See? Shorts. I spend a lot of time in the air. Even angelic clothing has to obey gravity."

"Yeah...right. Can we just get this over with? I'm sick of you people." Dark Pit tried to draw another arrow, but he was interrupted again. "Augh! What now? A bell?"

"Oh! It's time for the next period." Pit's clothes flashed and he was back in his uniform, looking over his shoulder at where his next class was scheduled to take place. "Look, can I take a rain check? It's home economics with Miss Palutena, and I really need to go."

"What? No way! I'm not just gonna let you leave!"

_Who is this mysterious kid? Just what does he want? I'm sure I'm strong enough to defeat him, but will I be able to fit him into my busy schedule? Next time, on Mahou Tenshi Bottomless Pit! The Transfer Student...is an Evil Me?_

"DON'T IGNORE ME! And there's no way I'm transferring to your stupid school! And even if I did, you're spoiling next episode's surprise!"

_Don't miss it!_

-

Meanwhile, in Lady Palutena's antechambers...

The Goddess smiled gently over a small crystal orb before her throne, her chin resting on folded fingers while watching her Captain of the Guard paint murals on the wall of his own chambers. A stocky Centurion entered and saluted respectfully.

"Lady Palutena, the barracks were wondering...when exactly dinner would be started."

Palutena looked up, trying to hide the flicker of annoyance that crossed her features. But she smiled, understanding her treasured soldiers had their needs. "Just a moment, my show is almost done. We'll start soon."


End file.
